I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
