it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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