Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize