last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
