I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
