Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
