HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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