so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
