I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
