I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
