i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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