I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
