I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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