I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
