my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
