It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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