Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
