btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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