there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
