We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
