It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize