Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
