marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
