They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
