If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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