I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
