i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
