A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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