My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
