Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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