That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize