My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
