we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
