the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
