I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
