I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
