If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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