Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize