and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
