So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
