I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
