Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
These tits shall not be calmed
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
