those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
