Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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