I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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