dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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