Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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