im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
