thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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