life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
