I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
