If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
