Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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