why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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