The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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