made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
