Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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