oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Randomize
