in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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