Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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