my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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