remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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