two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
