I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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