Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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