I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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