i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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