im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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