Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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