where am i from again
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
