I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just pynch a tree in the face
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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