I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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