so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
