I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
