possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
