Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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