i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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