I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
