i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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