the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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