No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
