I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
