I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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