You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's official drugs can't kill me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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