drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
