I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
