Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
