He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
