ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if only i could text you this smell
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize