I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
