am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
