using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
