i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
