where does the pee come out of this thing
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
