There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm always down for nudity.
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